Unsure whether to say du or Sie? With the German formal and informal you, the safe rule is simple: use Sie until the other person offers you du.
This page is part of the german language guide, which gathers related German topics in one place.
| Item | Value |
|---|---|
| Formal you (one or several people) | Sie, written with a capital S |
| Informal you (one person) | du |
| Informal you (several people) | ihr |
| Children | always du |
| Age from which the choice needs thought | around 16 years |
| Safe default with someone you do not know | Sie |
These points come from a German language guide published by Dummies and from Lingoda’s guide, as of its October 2023 update. Customs can change, so check the sources before you rely on the figures.
Du, ihr and Sie: what each word means
English has one you, while German splits it into three words. According to the Dummies guide, the formal word is Sie, and the informal forms are du for one person and ihr for two or more.
- Sie is the polite form and works for one person or a whole group.
- du is the informal form for a single person.
- ihr is the informal form for several people at once.
The choice also changes the verb. Lingoda’s guide gives the pair “Wohin gehst du? Wohin gehen Sie?”, both meaning “Where are you going?”, so the verb ending shifts along with the pronoun.
Watch the capital letter, because capitalisation carries meaning. A capitalised Sie is always the polite form, while the lowercase sie means “she” or “they”, as the same Lingoda guide explains.
When to use Sie
For everyday contact with people outside your circle of family and friends, the Dummies guide says to use the formal Sie. It adds that even neighbours or coworkers who see each other regularly often use Sie as a sign of respect.
These are the typical cases for Sie:
- Strangers and persons of respect, such as teachers or authority figures, according to Lingoda.
- Adults you do not know, especially prospective clients or employers, according to Angelika’s German.
- Police officers, doctors and bureaucratic settings such as a visa extension, according to Discover Discomfort.
- Anyone significantly older than you, even if you know them well, according to the same Discover Discomfort guide.
The Dummies guide warns that people are likely to find you impolite and disrespectful if you use the informal form where more formality is expected. Angelika’s German puts the risk plainly: the worst outcome of using Sie too early is that the person tells you to use du.
So Sie is the low-risk choice whenever you are unsure. You can always relax later, but a too-casual start is harder to take back.
When du is the right choice
The informal du belongs to people you are close to and to people in relaxed settings. Different guides draw the edges in slightly different places, so treat the list below as a set of common cases rather than a rulebook.
- Family and friends, which every guide in the source pack agrees on.
- Children, who are always addressed as du, according to Lingoda.
- Students among themselves, since du is the norm in that group, according to Angelika’s German.
- Sports and hobby settings, such as gyms and sports clubs, according to Discover Discomfort.
- Friends of friends, whom you can usually address with du as well, according to the same guide.
For a group of friends or children, switch to ihr. Angelika’s German also uses ihr for a group of children.
Guides disagree on how much age matters. Lingoda’s rule of thumb is du for anyone the same age or younger and for people you are familiar with, while Discover Discomfort gives the example of young people “25+ years younger”, unless the situation is formal.
Context can override all of this. The Dummies guide describes a party where the other guests are complete strangers but may address you with du, especially if they are easygoing, and then you may use du back.
Who offers the du, and how do you switch?
Moving from Sie to du is a small social step, and there is an etiquette to it. Discover Discomfort says the older person is expected to offer the du to the younger one, not the other way around.
At work, Angelika’s German notes that the higher rank can suggest du, and in private life it is usually the older person. The same source adds that a partner’s parents get Sie at the first meeting until they suggest du.
German even has verbs for this: duzen means to use du, and siezen means to use Sie. Lingoda lists phrases you can use or hear:
- “Wollen wir uns duzen?” means “Shall we be on familiar terms?”
- “Sollen wir uns siezen?” means “Should we be on formal terms?”
Once you know someone better, the offer itself has a name. Discover Discomfort calls it das Du anbieten, “offering the du”.
Tricky cases: age, work and in-between forms
Children are the one clear case, but teenagers are harder. Lingoda says that from around the age of 16 you have to ask yourself how big the age difference is and what the situation allows.
The workplace adds another layer. Lingoda suggests that if a boss greets you with du in a job interview, you can still answer with Sie first, since the boss can always offer you the du.
Company culture varies. Discover Discomfort says small companies with mostly young staff, such as a tech startup, may use du, and that most companies have a policy they will tell you about upfront. It also calls it rude for a subordinate to use du when it has not been offered.
Mixed forms exist as well. Lingoda describes the Hamburger Sie (first name with Sie) and the Münchner Du (surname with du), and Angelika’s German says more and more people use first names and du, while others compromise.
If you want to see how regional speech in Baden-Württemberg adds its own colour, the page on the alemannic dialect is a good next read. Once you are comfortable with du and Sie, the page on german grammatical gender is a natural next step.
Frequently asked questions
What should I do if someone says du to me first?
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The Dummies guide says to use Sie until the other person asks you to use du or addresses you with du. Discover Discomfort adds that you can follow their lead if you are comfortable with it, or keep using Sie if you prefer.
Is Sie only for one person?
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No. Sie covers both one person and a group, according to Lingoda, while du is for one person and ihr is for several people.
Can I use du with someone my own age?
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Sometimes. Lingoda’s rule of thumb allows du for people of the same age and for people you are familiar with, but strangers still call for Sie. If you are unsure, start with Sie.
What happens if I choose the wrong form?
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Angelika’s German says that using Sie when someone would prefer du usually just leads to them asking you to switch. Using du when Sie was expected can cause embarrassment, and in a business setting it could cost you a job or deal.
